Bukan aku yang malang

- category: parody of siduahuruf's "Bukan aku yang menang" -

Even though it was an old post, I just read siduahuruf's entry (by the name, her name is Elka, her link can be found on my list of friends on the right side) of "Bukan aku yang menang". I am feeling somewhat giddy and playful today, so I am going to make a parody of her poem. And sorry folks, it's in Indonesian language. Her original poem is as follows:

Bukan aku yang menang
(by siduahuruf)

"Diam dengan mata menerawang
Mengapa selalu curang?
Dunia kutantang,
Lalu bukan aku yang menang"

-------------

And my parody is as follows:


"Diam dengan mata kiri lebam
Mengapa kamu menatapku kejam?
Kamu kutantang, aku menang,
Untung bukan aku yang malang."


-Djayusnya mak-

Some changes

Dear readers,

I've made some changes on my side bar, as you can see. I've divided my personal and Pepperdine links, and made a list of my friends' blogs. I've also updated my profile (make it shorter) and quote of the day. If you know any other friends that I should include in the list, please let me know.

My current projects about this blog:
1)update my banner
2)add more friends
3)upload photo
4)feed this blog to my Friendster account (any help is welcomed!)

OK, see you later either at comments or next posts.

- Have a great week -

Baby, baby, baby

-category: observation-

This post is one of a kind, since I never made any draft with any of my previous posts. I actually put some more effort in creating this one, and revised things BEFORE I posted it.
Anyway, here's some background info. Recently, I moved to California to pursue an MBA degree. I am currently staying with my two friends who are married to each other and have a 9-months-old baby boy. I've known them since I was in Madison, Wisconsin, and we attended the same university (even though they are a few years older).

Sometimes I would take care of the baby, albeit briefly, and he made me realize some things that I never knew about myself. Such as the spark of joy of holding a baby. Before, I would never imagine making friends with babies or even holding one. It is a pleasant small change for me, and even though I still cannot imagine myself having a baby, my general attitudes toward babies are showing a "sparkle of hope". Right now, I am even curious how his attitudes toward me will change as he gets older. Hmm....interesting though, indeed.

So, here is my reflection of spending time with the baby on daily basis, and feel free to leave a comment or two. The closing end is not the usual "-Fin-" this time, but "-Tadaima-" that means "I'm home" in Japanese.

---------------------------------

It always puzzles me
whenever you sit calmly on my lap like this,
smilling and gurgling happily without a care in the world.

How come you look at me with those adoring, sparkly eyes
when I avert mine from yours.

How come you doze off sleepily on my chest
when I am always restless.

How come you give me your beautiful smiles so relentlessly
when I am reluctant to give my trust.

And how come your smile so contagious
that corners of my lips twitching to curve upwards.

You make your parents sacrifice willingly for you.
You make them go beyond their means to satisfy you.
You make them do the silliest things,
so that you know what if feels to be loved.

You baby, are their most precious treasure.
All they need to do is to love you,
and that is how they know they are loved in return.

So here I am back in reality,
driving through the canyon road,
body and mind weary from the stress of today
soul anxious for the hope of tomorrow.

And yet I still think of which songs I will sing tonight
during our brief time together after dinner.
I will sit you on my lap while your parents prepare your milk and bed.

Then I will sing to you the most random songs,
from Japanese melodrama "Tokyo Love Story" to Chinese kungfu series "Assasination"
from Alicia Keys to Savage Garden
from Disney to Final Fantasy.
And you will calmly sit on my lap,
no fuss, just playing with my pajama buttons, your toys, or my bra strap.

Heh. Bra strap.

So wait for me, baby.
I know I'm running late, but
don't go to sleep yet.

For my wish of dusk is
to open the door and see you sitting on your mother's lap.
Two seconds of confusion, then...
all excited to see this unworthy one home.

Hey, what's up baby?


- Tadaima -

I would hate it if you want me to

-category: observation/about me-

It's been a while, isn't it? Geez....school has been very busy, but I really enjoyed getting a 5-day break between school sessions and went to San Francisco to see my beloved boyfriend. If you didn't notice, my post on September 14 was to celebrate his birthday.
Anyway, this time I would tell you what I felt when I was on my way back to LA from SF last Sunday. I was upset to leave, I wasn't ready to separate from him yet, and I did not want to go back to my school madness. But here I am now, ready to roll again for the next session. HEEYAAH!!

-------------

I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling
Long hallway, overhead cabinets, white tubes of light

I looked outside through a small window
and realized us speeding away at the runway

I closed my eyes again, feeling sick
as the plane left the ground

I felt a stranger moved beside me.
He had his earphone on, watching some on-air TV channel.

I huffed. So I did leave.
You were missing.

It was a short flight.
TV was enough to distract my mind.

But as soon as I saw my destination city from afar,
my heart was filled with grieve.

I hated this city.
Just because you were not here.

I wanted to go back.
But I knew you would not want it.

I would hate this city if you want me to.
But I knew you wished otherwise.

I would hijack this plane and tell the captain to turn around.
But you would hate me.

You were my vice. My weakness.
And I would hate it if you hate me.

So, I sat back and prepared myself for landing.
I hated leaving you, but I had to do this.

Just for you. No one else.

Let's meet again next month.
Pray for our life and happiness.
Until we meet again.

Amen.

1 to 14

- this is a special entry for my boyfriend, christian -

1 to 14

Giddy
is when I know my call comes through,
anticipating your voice from the other side of the line...

Lazy
is when I experience complete blissfulness,
my head on your chest, listen to your peaceful heartbeat...

Safe
is when you put your arms around me,
enveloping me passionately, until my bones crack and I cannot breath...

Annoyed
is when you are pessimistic, you think you're not good enough,
when I know you're a "sleeping dragon",

Cat-like
is when you're spoiled and needy,
eyus eyus mwah mwah peyuk peyuk oaahhh,

Seduced
is when I stare at your sexy ass,
and you know I do it,

Repent
is when I realize I was wrong
and I hurt your feelings

Sensitive
is when you speak,
fragile and tired while brilliant and adorable,

Style
is when you pick up my clothes,
all of them I miss, but you bring them to light,

Possessive
is when you seem indifferent,
but you do not like me doing it,

Subtle
is when you show me you love me,
in the most unflashy ways,

Sunset
is for us holding hands, strolling and running on the beach,
sand swirling and us kissing,
and you teasing the seagulls' babies,

Halved
is after our kiss at the airport,
I know you leave and have to wait,
until you return my heart again,

Love
is knowing that things about you, I like.
Your exciting next year, you deserve.
Finding from 1 to 14 next time, we will.


- Mwah -

Heart/Ready

- category : about me/observation -

Almost all day yesterday, I was under the impression that it was September 7, not 8. So, I actually ALMOST violate my own promise on the previous post, which says that I will post something by September 9. Fuhh...

Anyway, sorry if this post is so dark.....it's what's I've been feeling lately, and I think it's important to acknowledge it and see how I feel in the future. Heh, until next time!

----------

Love, love, love, please take me away
hold me close beneath your calm beating heart
look at me with your graceful eyes
comfort me until I am ready...

Grieve, grieve, grieve, don't take me away
enough with your poisonous words and saddened heart
look at me, tears overflowing on my face
leave me, but you are not ready...

Rock, rock, the precious rock
your might conquered the impossible task
look at people around you, wounds deep in their heart
will you wait until they are ready...

My brain numb, my soul tired. For all I know,
everyday the sprinkler outside my room jolted awake at midnight
I stood awake long after it abruptly went to sleep
I know I need to lay down, but my heart is not ready...

Shall I take the holy water?
Strength fill me, compassion enlighten me

Peace

become me.

Will I take the holy water?

Until my heart

...ready.



-Fin-

...

I have so many things to say, and yet so little time.

Ever since I began my graduate study at Pepperdine,
the amount of work has been blowing my mind.

Please be patient and give me more time,
I vow I will make a new entry by September nine.

God help me.

-Fin-

No more chatterbox

Just a quick announcement, no more chatterbox.
It's tiring to have some things stick on the side with not much things happening.

I might revive it in the future if situation allows, but now, just forget it.
Drop me a comment or something if you have something to say.

Thanks.

While she was walking

- category: observation/about me -

The train finally stopped, blaring "This is Monroe...doors open on the left at Monroe."
As she stepped out of the car and went up the escalator, she hesitantly recalled the many stops she had to travel from her apartment at the north Chicago. Ugh, the nausiating feeling that was almost unbearable...it was difficult to breathe....

She stepped out from the subway station, breathed a bit easily now that she's no longer underground...she really much preffered sunshine. Let's see...Bryn Mawr... Berwyn...Argyle...Lawrence...Wilson...Sheridan...Addison...
Belmont...Fullerton...North/Clybourn...Clark/Division...Chicago...Grand...
Lake...Washington...Monroe.

16 stops. Damn. If she wanted to go to the main campus, then she would continue...Jackson...Harrison...Roosevelt...Cermak/Chinatown...Sox/35th. Thank God today wasn't one of those rare days when she needed to take some extra trips...

By the way, those shoes were nice...maybe some other time....
She kept walking past through people dressed nicely, suits, tie, dress suits...it was a little past five anyway...understandable. Today would be the last day for class...then next week would be final exams...sigh.

Then she would leave this city. Chicago. For good.

Guh. What should she feel? She felt nothing as she threaded her way through people. Probably buy some food for one of those homeless people at the bridge. Huh? There wasn't any today. Interesting....Doves.

Upset maybe? Well, she was...but for another reason entirely. It was when she found out one of her favorite yaoi manga "The Tyrant Who Falls In Love" was licensed and the scanlations stopped. Yeah....she was upset.

Happy? Not really...she liked walking down the street like this...she needed the exercise.
Angry? Hell no, there's nothing to be angry about (at this time).

She felt.......bored. She kept walking. Ah, red light. Gotta stop.
The wind was sure strong today, even though the temperature was kinda nice and a bit humid.
Green light. Go. Hn, what're you looking at?

She sure regretted the time when her ring suddenly snapped into two pieces. It's nothing really, but it served its purpose in keeping men away...she has a boyfriend. A cute one.

The wind blew stronger. Cough, what the...?! Cigarette smoke was sure dreadful...cough.
She was here, at last. Revolving doors.

My last class. My last semester. My first, too.
Later?...bye bye.

Ha. Revolving doors. Grin.


-Fin-

What a gloomy day

- category : observation -

Today was feels plain weird for me. It actually started yesterday night, when my allergy medicine made me drowsy around 7 pm and eventually forced me to sleep until 12 am. So I woke up, read some manga scanlations, updated my blog, and all of a sudden, it was 7 am. I felt sleepy again, so I slept until around 1 pm (there were some concious times in between due to alarm and some people calling, but basically I had a long, episodic-like dream).

I decided to go to the grocery, but never made it until 4:30 pm due to some hillarious videos from youtube.com. By the time I went out, it was raining (and I hate rain) and a bit windy. I did pretty quick grocery shopping, but not fast enough to avoid a guy hitting on me. I found it difficult to "shoo" him since he told me about his job and all while occasionally winked.......
I had no heart to tell him I have a boyfriend already, so I kept my answers short and ambiguous. Man, sometimes I feel tired to listen to someone who cannot pick up the clue that I'm not interested. Of course it's flattering to have people come up and say nice things about you, but I am really not interested to take it further (dating) since I'm kinda committed already.

Perhaps I should wear a ring on my left ring finger......
Other than that little incident, everything was boring......except that one mail that angered me. y previous landlord gave my money back but cut a ridiculous $69 due to some "underpayment of my account". I really have no clue what that is, since the deposit and everything was done in full refund......I don't know, it just pissed me off.....

Enough about this, I need to work on my paper outline for my two classes.
For those of you reading until the end, I hope your day is not as boring as me. God bless.

15 things (8 to 15)

Note : continuation of my 15 highlights/lowlights during my first month living in Chicago

8. Helped a man $2 for bus
This guy I met on my way to Borders book store was short on cash to get on a bus...I was more than happy to help him, to be honest. There are other cases as well (no money to get on train, etc), but this particular instance I cared the most.

9. Save $60 for trip from Midway airport to my apartment
I took a taxi from my apartment to Midway (for my SF trip) and it costed me about $45. Which was fine, since it was early in the morning and I did not want to risk missing my flight. However, on the way back, it was lunch hour in Chicago and I figured that it would cost me more since the traffic would be so bad. Thank God for U-Pass, CTA Orange and Red Line, I got home safely at my apartment for FREE!

10. Friendly neighborhood and surprisingly convenient apt complex
I wasn't sure about my apartment at first: it was far from school, the neighborhood looks kinda scary....all that stuff. But I was delighted to discover Dominick's grocery store (which has excellent meat and produce) was just two blocks away, the church was near, Borders book store was located at walkable distance, the Red line was just beside my apartment, the neighbors were nice and friendly.....I could go on and on and on with this.

11. All my favorite stores at State St
What can I say.....H&M, Forever 21, Nordstrom Rack, New York and Company, TJ Maxx, Wet Seal, Payless Shoe Source, Old Navy, Marshall Fields....all in two blocks. Nuff said.

12. Great sunglasses at New York and Company
I did not know that New York and Co has such fabulous sunglasses collection this spring, and they cost $18 for two! I loved them so much that when I lost one of the sunglasses during my SF trip, I came back and bought the exact same model and another one. So I have three sunglasses now! Woohooo!!

13. Fights with boyfriend
My deadly sins of Wrath and Pride have always been a major stepback in our 4-year-old relationship. The great thing is, we always make up afterwards. But still, we cannot go on like this forever now, can we?

14. Ugly encounter with Quixtar representatives
See my previous post of "Settle in Chicago (part 2)" for more details. This is the name of the company that I was reluctant to share initially, but now I don't care about it anymore.

15. Being used by Indonesian personnel of Department of Trade Ny. Sondang
.....It always angers me whenever I realized there are so many incompentent, sleazy, and stubborn people that dared to call themselves government officials......especially from my country. I met her when I attended the seminar "Expansion Through Trade & Investment with Indonesia" on April 7. Basically, the seminar's objective was to lure US inverstors to Indonesia (that's why the Indonesian Minister of Trade, Dr. Mari Pangestu was there). I came there partly out of curiosity and partly to gather materials for one of my classes' papers.
Before she asked for my notes (which I vigorously took while she was nodding off to sleep or chatting with other people at her table - how did I know? She sat at the table in front of me!), she did not do as much as spared a glance......that's whey I was so pissed off when she acted pathetically, persistently, forced me to lend her my notes. She said she was going to use my paper to "help" her make an official report for the Department of Trade. She also told me that she was having a hard time taking notes since she still had some jetlag disorientation. To tell you the truth, I was never willing to lend her my notes since it felt like she insisted to invade my personal space, and because it was for my own purpose of creating an academic paper. But if I had not lend her, OH MY GOD.....I could not even imagine what S&*T she would be saying about me! And after the deed was done and she said thanks (she even called me a “drafter”….what nerves…), she immediattely switched back to her "I-don't-know-you-anymore, I'm-the-great-government-official, go-scram!" mode. However, what pissed me off the most was that there are so many jackasses or bitches out there in Indonesian government like her.
For those of you who are offended and/or Indonesian like me, I am sorry for my language. It's just that I am tired that everytime I look for something positive about the government agents' attitude from my country, these kind of things always come up. Sorry, but the damage was done, I was deeply dissapointed and I stand by my words about bad government officials who only know how to enslave their subordinates to do their job and get away with everything they did not do. Stupid, pathetic, and a horrid dissapointment.

15 things (1 to 7)

- category : observation/about me -

Whoa, it's been almost a month since I last posted any entry....oh well, here's something to make up a little bit of it. It's been a month since I moved to Chicago, and a lot of things happened. This are the 15 highlights/lowlights happened in my life for the past month. No. 1 is the coollest thing ever, and no. 15 is the thing I dispised the most.

1. San Francisco trip
Recently I went to SF to see the Japan Town's Cherry Blossom Festival where there was a Kitaro concert (he's one of artists I respect the most). My boyfriend was still fuming about it, saying that my reason to go to SF had nothing to do with him (he lives in SF) ^_^...
Anyway, it was a great four days, I got to see SF beutiful views once again; Half Moon Bay beach, Sausalito, Union St, Heights St, Coid Tower, Lombard St, Fisherman's Wharf, Japan Town......WOW!! Not to mention my cutest boyfriend Chris, great food, lovely friends (Mariana, Lia, Stanley, Hendro, Robby), oh my God....I had such a great time at SF!!!!!

2. Easter “busy emails” weekend
Physically speaking, nothing happened much during Easter weekend. I went to church three days straight, I went to my classes...nothing much happened. However, the emails were something else. It started with a friend saying happy Easter at the mailing list, then everyone started to jump in....all of a sudden, I was having so much fun interacting with friends I never got a chance to contact for a while in Madison and in other areas as well (one of them even moved to Germany!). It was really fun with all the teasings and greetings and all......all the emails made me smile sooo wide.....it was really the Easter spirits that kept me alive that weekend.

3. Pepperdine University
After failed attempts at several universities, I finally get the good news from Pepperdine University at Malibu, CA. So, this Fall 2006 semester, I am going to California!!! Of course, that means I have some paperwork to do to ensure that my transfer from IIT Chicago, IL to Pepperdine go smoothly.....but I'm cool with it, let's do it and keep the MBA education rolling, baby!

4. My 24th birthday
Hey, I'm 24 already!!! My birthday was several days back, and once again, I felt really blessed to have such loving family, a great boyfriend, awesome friends (although their "Happy Birthday" singing were awful ^_^), and actually a really blessed life!!! I really don't feel like I'm 24, and people always told me I looked younger (like 20 or 21). I took it as a compliment of course, but for me the most important thing is to keep your spirit young....since your physic will get old someday. Still, with a cute look, sexeeh body, and hot attitude like me, it's nice to be young! (sorry, I'm kinda narcisstic about this ^_^)

5. Lost 5 pounds
Hmm....I'm not exactly sure about how it happened. Still, I'm not complaining!!
I think it's because I walked 30 minutes 3 times a week whenever I go to IIT Downtown for my classes...and if I wandered around at downtown area, it will be more time for walking. I don't actually cut down my food intake or anything (my friends know I eat A LOT), so hey....nice!
However, I don't want to keep losing weight, I think I am satisfied with the way I am right now. Not that I was complaining about my weight earlier, but losing 5 pounds from my thighs and my front abs, that was like........outstanding!

6. Got a temporary modelling job
It was pretty unexpected to know that one of the UPS store employees is actually an aspiring fashion designer. She asked for my contacts right away, and I agreed to be her model for a while for her to create a portfolio. She is going to apply to fashion design university at Georgia, and I'm happy to help her. My measurements were taken earlier today, and she was very excited when I put on some of her in-construction clothes. We'll be doing some photo shoots later next month, and I am so looking forward to it. In my opinion, her designs kick ass and she'll do great in fashion design!

7. Got mistaken for an artist by a museum exhibition artist of Art Museum
Hahaha....this happened a while ago when I was visiting the Art Institute of Chicago Museum. Their featured exhibition was Gerodet painting...they were beautiful romantic paintings, and I really admire how the artist used symbols to convey his witty, sometimes controversial perspectives about anything. After I left the exhibition room, this guy approached me and asked how I liked Gerodet. I was hesitant in answering him, perhaps because my mind was still focused on Gerodet and needed some time to switch back to normal conversation. He mistook it as nonchalant impression, and I immediately replied that it was so awesome and left me speechless. I was surprised that he thought I was an artist ^_^, but I still think it was cool that an artist thought I was one of his kind.....I was really flattered! He got a cool website showing his work, and the address is www.glennwexler.com Go check it out!

Settle in Chicago (part 2)

- category : observation -

Pheww, the last week was rough.....it was filled with so many unexpected events, some happy, some confusing, the others just plain sad. Let me start with the happy one first.
When I went to UPS Store near my apartment to get some stamps, the girl who helped me was a fashion designer and she immediately asked me how tall I am, and later asked would I be interested to become her model. I found this to be a great compliment, since she found my face interesting and my body size thin enough to fit into her clothes. Moreover, this meant a lot for me since my face was still filled with remnants of acne (you definitely know what I'm talking about) ^_^ . Nevertheless, I was happy!! We still haven't got together ever since, but we'll hang out soon.

The confusing but non-negative ones were just random. Some guy asking money for bus ticket (which I completely understand, I tell you; after all, I commute everyday from uptown to downtown for at least 1:30 hours per day!), another guy asked if I want to go to some info session to get the idea of their "business plan", the portable stove that the apartment manager promised me was actually more like portable oven, 3 times missing a train because the ticket got stuck, and the maintenance guy coming early in the morning to install some shower hangers.

The sad ones happened in the last few days, that's why I kinda lost my motivation to do anything, to the degree that I wanted to get away. Unfortunately, God has different plans for me this weekend, since apparently I couldn't get a ride to visit my good friend at Minnesota or Wisconsin. Perhaps another time......
I'll let you know what went wrong. I wasn't accepted into a university that I wanted, although up until this moment I am still unsure what the reasons were. I was hoping to transfer from IIT to another university, but the task seemed harder every day. Also, the thing with the info session was fine, despite I needed to be dressed in my business suit, rode a bus for 30 minutes, took a train for another 10 minutes, and ended up one stop away from O'Hare airport. The gentleman (who asked me to go) then picked me up at the train station with his wife. This part was an accomplishment, since I never actually travel that far by myself since I arrived at Chicago around 2.5 weeks ago. But it went downhill after that.

The info session was actually about a multi-level marketing company (I won't tell the name), where an Independent Business Owner (IBO, that's each and every one of them) would sell products via internet and coach other IBOs under them to get more money. It was fine until I realized how late the night had come. When I expected to be there for only about 1.5 hours had grown into the situation where I was stuck for 3 hours. Rather than thinking about the "business plan", I was more concerned about how to get home. There were some misunderstandings here and there, but eventually the gentleman drove me home. Of course, not after he asked me what time we should meet the day after. Sounds Ok? Well, it's not. It's really nice to him to drive me home, but to meet immediately the day after was too much of a strech for me. Not enough time to get things sink in, do you know what I mean? I was getting negative impressions, and as you can see, it will become even uglier.

At the meeting the day after, I told them that as for now, I would not be joining the team. It wasn't the right time for me, and I'm not willing to invest my (limited) money to mostly recruit people. It just wasn't my priority right now. The wife tried to coax me, saying they could get someone to help me start, but I also turned it down. Then the conversation heated when I told them I did some research about them in the internet and also talked with some people I trusted to hear about their opinions. One of the people I talked with was my boyfriend, whom the gentleman initially intended to recruit when we met at IKEA. When I told him we're not interested, he got defensive and asked what's wrong with multi-level marketing. It's legal structure to make money, why was I being negative about it, and even influence my boyfriend, etc etc. The thing is, I have NOTHING against multi-level marketing, it's just not for me! If it's working fine for him and his family, great! But not me! I got so upset and so insulted that I half-yelled at them, tapped my angry hand on a table at a Starbucks store. Eventually they gave up and we went to our separate ways.

I got so frustated and angry and dissapointed when I walked home, so I called my boyfriend. But it wasn't the right time to call him, apparently. A one-sided heated ramblings from me turned into an ugly conversation. Now we both got upset. This and that everywhere, I think I experience some degree of depression right now. It's funny 'coz I just thought that I had never felt lonely, well, here I am now. Broken hearted and depressed. I was hoping to go to Minnesota and met a good friend of mine there, but it won't happen.

Please pray for me guys, and if you wanna talk, you know how to reach me.
God speed and God bless.

Settle in Chicago (part 1)

- category: observation/enligtenment -

Before I know it, it was already a week since I arrived at my new apartment in north Chicago. Not exactly near downtown, as the distance of my apartment and downtown area is approximately 15 - 17 train stops that usually takes about 35 - 40 minutes one way. And even though I thought I made a wrong apartment choice since it is located right next to the train rail, the very same one that takes me to downtown and back (laugh). You see, even though it's convenient, it was very LOUD; I could barely sleep the on the first night. After further irritation during the next few days, it was plainly solved by closing my windows properly (laugh).

One thing became apparent as soon as I settled in my apartment. Since I spent most of my earlier days at home, I soon gave away to my ps2 addiction. Dynasty Tactics 2, Suikoden, SSX3, and soon Xenosaga. I'm now seriously thinking about buying Dirge of Cerberus and Dynasty Warriors 5, as well as Drakengard. For some reasons, I'm not that into Kingdom Hearts, so I cannot care less about their newest release. But FFXII, I need to think about it.

The other thing that also became apparent was that since I do not have a stove, it's kinda difficult to cook here. There are times where I was simply alert because I'm not sure what to eat that day or the day after. It gives me a renewed sense of how valuable a simple meal is. But now that the portable oven has arrived, I guess my life can be a little bit better after all.

Regardless of all these, what calms me the most is simply knowing that God never leaves me. Simple, unthinkable things that I deemed useless in the past have suddenly come to be very valuable. I cannot tell exactly what matters (since it will take so much time to explain; but I'll make another post next time), but it really is calming to know Someone looks after you even when you're living by yourself. In that sense, never once I ever feel alone.

Double Dragons ~ the girl who befriends dragons

- category : about me -

Hi again, this is a story about my rapid metabolism that I always have ever since I was little. I think it's pretty hilarious what a mind can do, so I decided to share it. Happy reading!

---

‘Let her eat more, she’s too thin,’ that was what most people told her mom whenever they had dinner on a restaurant and she got scolded for eating so much.

Her mom would try to contain herself at first and sighed. There was no way these people would understand that while her daughter ate like there’s no tomorrow, she was very skinny. For a while, she was suspicious that her daughter had a stomach worm, or a few of them. She tried giving her “Combantrin”, a medicine she believed to be powerful enough to fight stomach worms.

Alas, her daughter’s eating behavior showed no alterations whatsoever. So after some convincing, she gave up and just let her daughter ate what she wanted.

The daughter was happy because it worked to her advantage. It was true that she ate so much. The proportion of white rice and meat/vegetable that she ate was 3:1. Much to her delight, it was really difficult to her to gain weight.

She insisted that she had an explanation to her condition, that she actually HAD a stomach worm. When the “Combantrin” tried to kill it inside her body, it was too late. The worm had grown to be significantly larger……large enough to be a stomach dragon. Furthermore, as fate would have it, she actually had TWO of them. She called them “Double Dragons”.

In her imagination, her dragons ate two third of the meal portions and gave up the rest for her body’s metabolism. When the dragons were full, they slept. But when they were hungry, they would cause tremendous rumbles until she fed them sufficiently. It was a mutual interaction, you see, as the dragons gave her heightened physical strength in return.

So this girl and her dragons lived together for a long time. When she got in the all-girl catholic junior high school, she immediately attracted attention for her tall and skinny figure. However, she could not care less when her friends told her nicknames like “Scare crow”, “Sailor Moon”, or when they told her not to do any exercise lest her waist got cut off. All she cared about was the well-being of Double Dragons, whom she was getting fond of more deeply over the years.

That time, she was a girl of 5’9” and weighted less than 120 pounds.

Until one day, one of her dragons died. It was during her junior year at college that she noticed she could not eat as much as she used to. It pained her greatly that one of her beloved dragons died, and she could not understand why her dragon left so abruptly after years of existing together.

Without a dragon to eat some portion of her meals, she started to gain weight, although it was subtle. Living in USA had changed her slightly, as she started to develop more muscles and stamina as she exercised and danced. Her living dragon still as enthusiastic as ever; he growled loudly when hungry and slept peacefully when full.

She is now a figure of 5’10” and 130 pounds.

Looking back, she thought it was amazing to have such a creative mind for explaining an extremely fast metabolism that goes slower as she ages. Nonetheless, she still believed in her dragons.

She endlessly hoped to never, ever lose her one and only dragon. For everyday she woke up in the morning and was happy to be greeted by the loud growling of her ever-energetic dragon.


-Fin-

DoIT Tech Store blues

- category: observation/memoir -

Phew, finally settled down in my new apartment in Chicago just this weekend. Of course, that's a story for another post. But now, I would like to share the highlights of my experience working at DoIT Tech Store of University of Wisconsin - Madison. I resigned a week before I started moving my things to Chicago, so that was about three weeks ago.

I actually did not realize how much fun I had working there until I had to say good bye to everyone at Tech Store counter, Showroom people, Logistics, and even Help Desk. I felt loved by so many people I barely know, and I am forever grateful for that. All the fun, craziness, the Cantaloop song, my co-workers, oh man, it was so hard to leave them. But live moves on, and I will bring the memories with me always. Love you, guys.

In that accord, I would like to share some hilarious (and sometimes redundantly ridiculous) highlights from working at DoIT Tech Store. Here goes:

---
Scene 1 : The super awesome card swipe

(a group of Korean students came to me. One of them was ready to pay for an item on his hand. He put the item on the table in front of me.)

Me : Are you all set? Allright, can I see your ID?
Student : Oh, sure. (got it from his jeans pocket and gave it to me).
Me : (flicked and swiped it on my keyboard to bring up his information on the monitor. Computer gave a beeping sound.)
Student : Woah! Awesome!!
Me : ...

* Until now, I really could not understand why he said that. Was my card flicking that awesome, or was it something else? I guess I just need to keep guessing....hmm...

---
Scene 2 : Restocking fee?

(A customer came to return a headphone that's been ripped from its packaging. My supervisor always told me to ask the product manager for restock fee whenever there's an opened package return. So I went to the product manager.)

Me : Excuse me, how much is the restocking fee for this?
Product Manager : (seeing it was a rather cheap headphone) Huff....I don't know, five, or ten, or....I don't know, just let them return it. It's not that worth it anyway! (laugh)

---
Scene 3 : Do you uh, iPod?

Customer : Hey, how is it going? Do you have iPods?
Steve (my co-worker) : Yeahsureintheshowroomifyouwannalookatthemotherwiseit'sintheglasscaserightoverthere.
Customer : Huh? What did you say?
Katrina (also a co-worker) : (laughed) Steve!!
Me : (laugh real hard) You talked too fast!
Steve : No, I didn't.
Katrina : Yes you did!
Customer : So where's the iPod again?
Steve : Oh, it's in the glass case over there.

---
Scene 4 : The cool feedback

One of the feedback forms for the Tech Store reads as follows:

"The tech store people was very knowledgable about their products and professional. They always keep their cool even when dealing with difficult customers."

---
Scene 5 : Excuse me...

One day, a customer came to me and said, "Excuse me, do you sell sound box here?"
"Sound box?" I replied confusedly, thought something along the line of DJ sound box, real cool stuff.
"Yeah, you know, the box that produce sounds? Sound box?" The customer insisted.
"......Do you mean, speakers?"
"YEAH, that's the one!"

* On a side note, the customer was a completely adorable fella. He was rather clueless with English, and that explained the sound box thing. But his attitude was great, and although he eventually did not get to buy the speakers he wanted, he still left us on a positive note. A really nice guy, I tell you.

message for Eveline

- category: miscellanous/observation -

Eveline,

in a blink of an eye, almost a month has passed since we last saw your tearful face at the Madison airport.
I still remember vividly when you finally passed through the security gate officers, who meticulously examined both you and your belongings despite the final boarding call of your flight. To tell you the truth, we almost screamed, "Just let her board the damn plane!!!" but decided to do otherwise since we didn't want to get caught ridiculously.

Instead, we synchronously (or at least attempted to) wave our hands and sang "Sayonara, sampai berjumpa pula" when you passed in front of us one last time, with only a glass wall separating us. You stopped for a brief moment, as if you wanted to tresure the things you would leave behind for only God knows how long.
Then, we frantically pointed to your gate, still blaring the final boarding call, since we didn't want you to miss the flight. When you eventually dragged your feet and ran off, that was the last we ever saw you.

Well....I miss you.

I know this post was long overdue, but everyday I reminded myself that I need to post a 'tribute for Eveline'. Not only because I promised you that, but more importantly because you, my friend, deserved it.
Your laughters, your cute attitude, your always-ready-for-camera smiles, your cooking ^_^, and even your mere pressence never failed to light up the room. Therefore it was such a frustatingly depressing moment when I stepped up to your embrace that day at the airport, when it finally hit me that I would need the gracious hands of fate to arrange our future meetings.

Many of us here loved you, Eveline. I think I'm just one of them. Time was too cruel to limit our acquintances, it was only one or two years I finally got to be a little bit closer to you. Nevertheless, I could proudly say that it was truly a blessing to get to know you (and no, I'm not being sappy, I'm dead serious). No matter where your life takes you, always remember that you have friends that will always welcome you with open arms. Then perhaps you would sail more calmly through those difficult times.

So Eveline, my dear, please keep smiling.
Your smile's worth is comparable to sunlight after horrible snowstorm in Madison.

So long my friend, until we meet again.
If perhaps fate would be so kind, we may meet again this summer.

under pressure

- category: observations -

"...Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for..."
- Under Pressure by Queen & David Bowie

Um boom ba bay..
Um boom ba bay...alright, I should stop. The fact is, I'm very much in the panic state right now. Not on the outside, but inside, it's just very hard to concentrate on one thing at a time. I 'don't feel my aura', as Johnny Weir put it. On a side note, I really don't give a damn about people trashing him about his uncomfortable feeling before he did his free skate program at the Olympics. I totally understand that, and I think many more people actually experience that in daily basis. They just don't want to admit it.

So, back to my inner panic state. I will be performing a 12-minute Javanese dance, which I still feel tired and uncertain every time I practised it, this weekend; I need to figure out (fast!) how to assemble the intricate, complicated dance costume; I need to find an apartment soon in Chicago for three months; I need to sell my things here; I need to help my boyfriend sell his things; I need to pack; I need to complete my registrations and all of that paperworks; I need to resign from my job; I need to sell my clothes; I need to reconstruct my blog; I have 5 blog posts pending right now; I really need something to eat right now....I'm so hungry.

In about a month - March 21 - I will be starting my MBA study in Chicago. I tried to prepare my best, but time and Goddess of Efficiency (if there's such thing) are just not on my side right now. As a result......my inner state of panic.

So...yeah..

Bye.

Cry and Laughter

-category: about me/spiritual/observations -

I just experienced my emotions in their extreme bipolars, sorrowful depression and carefree cheerfulness in 48 hours. This actually happened on Sunday and Monday, February 19 and 20, and I feel like I need to talk about it. It's an overdue project, so here goes. Oh, and if it sucked, please let me know, okay?
(P.S. : To Eveline, I promise to post a tribute to you right after this post. ^_^)

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Howling Cry

At times like these, she could not understand why she even tried. She thought she did her best to understand and not to bother people so much. So when it was implied that she did just that, you could not imagine how broken hearted she was. The last thing she wanted to become was a hypocrite.

Why did the person standing across the room frustated her so? Did he not understand the things she did for his sake? Worse still, he was frustated with her too. He was clueless on how to handle her. Glares across the room.

Wait. Think. Pehaps it was not too difficult to understand. Why would he not be frustated when she did not tell him anything? It actually made sense, it was her fault after all.
But her anger howled and clouded her mind into concluding that he was being impossibly difficult and ingrateful. Deep in her mind, she could not understand why she put up with her anger all of these years, her neverending fire of anger feeding the damnation of her soul.

Somewhere, even deeper in her heart, she could hear the priest's voice in the church that evening, 'May peace be with you all tonight.' She promised to preserve that peace tonight.
So in the midst of her anguish, sorrowful anger, and depression, she regretted the most not being able to keep the promise.

"I'm sorry, Lord..." her fiery gaze betrayed her regretful heart.
And the tears fell harder, then...

She slammed the door and left.

-Fin-


Laugh as Wide as the Necklace

Why did she buy the necklace again? Okay, it was green and reeaaaaallllllly cute. But did it matter when it got caught on things over and over again? At times like these, she just realized how long the necklace was. It actually reached a little bit past her navel. Was it too much?

Especially when customers at the store glanced at her when she accidentally got hooked on her swivel chair's arm, or when she bent down and the necklace yanked her back down when it got caught up around some handles. It was embarassing really, to have people stared at you at your most unfortunate, vulnerable moments.

Under normal circumstances, her pride would prevail. She would frown and cursed under her breath, and carried that displeasing face of hers around for another minute or so.
But the strangest thing happened that day. She actually laughed it off.
She just cheerfully smiled and chuckled while unhooking her necklace, joked about how the necklace would tear apart from too much yanking. She laughed a lot that day, it was almost as if she wanted to compare the perimeter of her mouth laughing to that of the necklace.

One problem remained. Why did she buy the necklace? Her curiosity unbearable, she went to the rest room to see herself on a mirror. She instantly remembered.

Oh hey, baby.

You looked fabulous.

-Fin-

my two cents about Michelle Kwan

- category: miscellanous -

I really don't know much about the history of USA figure skating, and know even less about the sport itself. Nonetheless, I am a fan of the beautiful sport and always eager to see them whenever figure skating competition is shown on TV.

I've seen Michelle Kwan over the last five years, and I have to say that it is very regrettable that she withdrew from the Olympics. She might not win any medals, however her determination and passion were always her most attractive points, and I am mournful for the fact that I wouldn't see her.

Looking forward, however, this withdrawal can be just the right point for her to just focus herself on the road of recovery, and rearrange new set of priority for her future.

As for the USA team, Sasha Cohen has matured a lot for the past few years and she proved herself worthy during the USA Championship. I am hopeful that she could be comfortable and skate her best on the Olympics. God bless.

Valentine weekend

- category: observations -

I have mixed feelings about the Permias Valentine Cafe last Saturday. This is probably old news, but I feel obligated to say something about it.

First of all, the setting was neat: minimal, but effective. Pink and white baloons spelled "Happy Valentine" on the stage background, red and white paper strips hung from the ceiling, and a believable cafe-like atmosphere (thanks to the dimly lit halogen lamps). The food from Bandung Restaurant was excellent, however had I not had dinner two hours before, I would've starved since the portion was very limited.

The performances and games were actually fun, my biggest complain was only that we started very late, about 8:10 pm, way later than the scheduled 7:20 pm. There was also an empty table which could be distracting (at least for me as one of the performer).

That said, I was exhausted when I perform my song, a parody of KLA Project's "Menjemput Impian" on around 9 pm. My breathing was shallow, and my voice range wasn't really in my best condition. Although it overall went fine, thanks to my boyfriend Chris' cameo as "pujaan wanita se-Jepara" (which disturbingly, invited more enthusiastic claps from the male audience), the song never took off to its dramatic climax. Elka, the pianist was also quite nervous and made a few mistakes which she later described "I could have definitely done much better than that" ^_^
But having her as a pianist was a great joy, really. As my last public performance in Madison, I would be lying to say that I was a little dissapointed, but as the only performance of the night that received three sets of claps from the audience, I was adequately pleased.

However, my group performance of The Rembrants' "I'll Be There for You" and Cindy Lauper's "Time After Time" with Amanda, Eveline, Elka, and Alfin as guitarist was more dissapointing. I was in charge of providing the alto voice, but I think it was rough, often 1/4 note off-key, and tired. So yeah.....I prefer not to talk about it too much.

Still, the rest of the nights was entertaining, and the free photo sessions that followed was extremely fun. The only surprise for the night was when the audience unanimously chanted my name when one of the games to welcome new students require them to flirt with any one female audience to get a $1 packet of chocolate. However, apparently none of them followed the audience's humor and purposely avoided me. Honestly, I would actually love to see one of them try. It would be fun, and it will definitely show how bold they were. Plus, I actually planned to give anyone who dared to flirt with me anyway. Thus my impression was unfortunately, none of them had enough courage to heed the audience (I'd like to say none of them had balls, but it would be too harsh and assumingly closed-minded).

As a closing statement, I really had fun, and thanks everyone!!!

what's wrong with you?

- category: observations, reading -

This past couple weeks, I found it difficult to put down a newly acquired novel I got from Amazon, Dan Brown's "Angels and Demons". It really surprised me, since I hardly ever read novel or even finish one. However, "Angels and Demons" engaged me in its brilliant, fast-paced story flow, mind puzzles, and lively characters. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it from the very beginning until the end. That said, I eagerly began to read the next adventure of Robert Langdon in "the Da Vinci Code" just a couple of days ago.

Since I usually commute to my work place by bus for about half and hour, I read most of the novels in the bus. It really helps to engage my mind and to avoid boredom. However, now that I spent more of my time reading in the bus, there is one thing that I notice more about the behavior of the person sitting next to me. They stare at me!!

Okay, so I read different books before I began reading "Angels and Demons" (some Computer Science-related books or personality books). Even then, I noticed some occasional stares directed to the pages of my book, or even glances trying to catch the book's title. I dismissed them, regarding them as "curious stares".
However, since I began reading "Angels and Demons", I began noticing them again in heighted level of intensity. 4 out of 5 people who sat next to me actually STARED at my book for more than 6 seconds, and then stared at me for additional 3 seconds (at least). How do I know that? Well, it's called peripheral vision.

The most noticable occassion was when a woman seated herself next to me and almost immediately began staring at my copy of "the Da Vinci Code". She stared at my book for about 8 seconds, and then continued to stare at ME for at least 10 seconds. I had an impression that she mocked me and thought of something like this, "Are you kidding me? You have not read THE novel?" She probably did not mean any harm, but she then proceed talking to her friend using a foreign languange I do not know. Her friend just smiled mildly.

Nevertheless, I felt mildly insulted. What's wrong with YOU, lady? So what if I wanted to read the book that captured everyone's interest (except me, apparently) a couple of years ago? Geez, and what's with that smug smile in your face? I honestly felt some fire flicking in my chest, I thought that was rude.

Still, nothing can stop me from reading during my bus ride. I just hope I don't need to have a prescription to my still normal eyes in the near future.

history of writing

- category: about me (see my profile for complete list) -

Oh no, I didn't make entries for a while! Time to make it up, here's something about myself.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She started writing during junior high school. She read some of her friend’s original fictions, and she thought she would try to do it herself.

At the height of her passion for writing, she started to write a fan fiction of “Shurato”, an anime in which she predictably fell in love with the antagonist. It has a bit of “Saint Seiya” mixed in it and has a little bit of this and that, she said.

Sadly enough however, she never finished her fan fiction, although she memorized it all in her head until now. The story continued like “Dragon Ball”, as she told the continuing legacies about cousins, grandsons and granddaughters of the main characters.

Tired of writing“full-blown” stories, she started writing shorter stories. They were similar to detailed summaries, and she liked doing it. She finished at least four stories, but many more left untold inside of her head.

High school came and things got busier. She never stopped making stories in her head, but she stopped writing altogether.

Until college years came. She was forced to write journals and papers of her English and dance classes. Some of the teachers liked her writing style, and they were reluctant to tell her to change her way of writing. They said it was different, and they told her to stay that way. One of them even claimed that he could distinguish her paper from a pile of students’ papers.

But she has yet to revive her passion of story-writing. She still has them inside her head, though. Maybe someday, only God knows….she will start writing again.

Fin

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a man's unique necklace

-category: fashion find- (see my profile for complete list)

When I was working yesterday, I met a guy who wore a unique necklace, an approximately 1'x2' rectangular metal "pendant" attached on a thin dark brown rope . I wasn't sure what it was that caught my attention, so I t0ld him he had a cool necklace. His face instantly beamed, and he happily told me that the "pendant" he tied around his neck with was actually a bottle opener.

Huh? I said. And he flipped his "pendant", and I saw the little hook typical for bottle opener!
Wow, that's one very useful necklace (and I think chicks can dig it, too!).
Anyway, I thought the necklace idea was really clever, and I found a fresh meaning to the word "practical".

under construction and resolution

-category: observations- (see my profile for complete list)

I created this blog since January 13, but have done virtually nothing in it..^_^
And to be honest, I actually began to doubt my sincerity of my commitment to create this blog. Was it just an influence of worldwide hype? Was it my boyfriend's endless persuassions to be productive everyday? Or was I just plain lazy?

As I think about it, I am sure that 60% of the answer is that I am lazy. The other 40% lies on my stubbornness. All this time, I resist having a blog fiercely since I don't want people reading stuff online about me. It's like a public diary, which is just nonsense. A diary is supposed to be private, a thing such as public diary is just a direct violation to people's privacy.

However, I gradually realize that my stubbornness, while can prove useful sometimes, is serving myself a supreme idiocy. Many people want to be heard, and sometimes people cannot communicate as effectively as they think. There are also many things that are better left unsaid but interesting to discuss through writing. As for me, in addition to having a mind that constantly observing, my hyeractive imagination also keeps running, creating stories on its own world. I am very thankful that God gives me good memory, so I can actually memorize all of them. Only one thing doesn't seem right; how do I share those stories? Stories mean nothing without audience, without listeners, without readers, and most importantly, without appreciation of any kind.

There's where blog comes in! It's actually brilliant! Blogging is relevant for me since I want to have a media to share my stories and perspectives. I am ashamed of myself of not starting this a lot sooner. I'm a "late bloomer" in this field, but hey, better late than never.

Plus, my boyfriend gave me this article "Early Retirement" yesterday. While the article, as the title suggests, deals mostly with what steps to take to retire early, it actually states that having a web diary actually improves your time management skill, implies that it is a necessary step to gain more happiness in life. Here is the link to the article:
http://philip.greenspun.com/materialism/early-retirement/

So, having a clear purpose of having a blog, I hope I can grow my commitment to update regularly. As for construction, I am going to update the header image for Naruhodo-Ne. While it's actually cute, I am not all too pleased with it. Please pray for my ongoing commitment, people!