It's Complicated

I just recently returned to my home country, Indonesia for a few weeks. Unfortunately, I didn't get to truly enjoy my "vacation" there. Getting together with best friends was great, however the whole thing about parents wanting me (and my boyfriend) to get married soon was really uncomfortable.

During the first 48 hours of my landing, it was made very CLEAR to me that I am expected to get married soon, get back to settle down in Indonesia, accompany my mom, and pretty much being obedient to her wishes. Now, for some of you, this may seem to be very sensible wishes. But for me, I can't help but being rebellious to these with every fiber of my being.

For one that got to "mature" overseas, I gain perspectives and open-mindedness that are probably hard to understand for people who chose to stay in my home country. The lifestyles are very different and some of our elders do see what-they-deem-as westernized behaviors (talking back to your parents, speaking out your own mind, having future dreams that are not compatible to those your parents plan for you, etc) as disgraceful. And yes, my family is conservative.

So I guess some of you (who are still reading at this point) may relate with me when I felt misunderstood and sad. My mom implied that she regretted sending me to the US for college studies since her daughter is now "changed" by the negative influences when I'm abroad. In addition, since I am an only daughter, it's seen as unbelievable (in a bad way) that I don't want to come back home for good to take care of my mother, especially after my father recently died.

To be honest with you, I really have no clue as to what "negative influences" my mom said. I never get drunk, I didn't do drugs, my friends are great, and I'm pursuing my dream to open a photo studio/boutique hybrid someday. I may not be where I want to be right now (the economy sucks, my job is so-so, and I'm kinda broke), but I don't give up.

Why do people want to pressure us to do something we clearly don't want to do? And I'm not talking about parents pushing their kids to study in order to do well in school. I'm talking about something along the line of parents pushing their kid to be a doctor when all he wants to do is to be an art director. Pushing their daughter to be an engineer when she wants to be a lawyer. I'm talking about different life calling. You know when you're called to be something. The road is going to be really hard, but we hope it's all going to be worth it. Even if in the end it's not worth it, there is still a sense of satisfaction of doing what our heart lead us to do regardless of what the end result is. Then we can start again from the beginning.

Now maybe the whole previous paragraph is part of the "negative influences" my mom talked about. However, I am sincerely grateful that I got to study overseas and open my eyes to my own calling. I'm almost sure right now that had I stayed in Indonesia for my whole life, I'm just going to be working mindlessly in a big company. I may earn much more than I do now, but I'm not going to enjoy my life.  And don't get me wrong. It's alright if you choose to stay dedicated to your own home country. I'm just saying that for me, with the kind of personality, imagination, and strong will, I will just be another stressed out persona in the busy streets of Jakarta. Again, that's just me.

So by now (if you're still reading), you probably figure out that I don't want to go back home. I want to stay here in the US and chase my dreams. Still, I have to respect (or at least listen actively) to what my parents (dad included) have to say. They love me, so they are very protective and want the best for their kids. Like some other parents, they have difficulties understanding that their kids have something else in mind, that their dreams are not the same as those of their parents. Like some other parents, they always view their kids as "once a kid, always a kid." As a result, they always feel the need to lead the way and tell their children what to do.

Now there's a lot more I can add to the previous paragraph, but I want to stop for now. You should get the point by now. And these unreal expectations only cause sadness and unnecessary stress to the kids. The kids (now adults) feel very much misunderstood and most importantly, do not feel supported by their parents. And that is truly ironic, since parents are there to support their kids and let them be happy.