What happened in a month....in a quick summary

I know I haven't been updating for so long, and you guys are most certainly tired of hearing the same "Music of the Week" for at least 4 weeks....my apologies.

Anyway, so three weeks ago I had a prospective internship interview with a stock trading company in Burlingame, CA. Apparently, the company is located right across the street from my boyfriend's office. Long story short, they liked me and invited me for a 3-month internship. And I got paid pretty generously too (I say this because I know not all of my colleagues get paid in their internships)! The whole process of submitting my resume online via Yahoo! Hot Jobs until I got an offer is EXACTLY one week. That just showed how hard my mom prayed for me. Really.
Not to mention I immediately got a place to live and that I already had a car to travel. Everything just fell into place very nicely. That's God's hands for you.

So, I received my first salary last Friday, and I am continuing my exciting life here in the Bay area. I even got to have a jam session with Da Band, too, so I really am so blessed. And now I just lazed around watching a boy Shakira got a 2nd round Vegas ticket in "America's Got Talent".

God really has mysterious plans. God bless you all.

- See you all (hopefully soon)! -

Anniversary Day

Warning:

Romantic sushi dinner in progress

Fluffiness and Cheesiness to ensue

Do Not Disturb

- heed the warning, folks -

Does It Count?

- category: personal/anniversary -

In exactly 10 days from now, my boyfriend and I will have a 5th year anniversary. Close to Memorial Day, but whatever... Anyway, we've been living apart for some time (albeit in same state) and I wonder if I still love him as "passionately" (or more) as years go by. So, this is my short reflection about my feelings to him...heheheh...
---

No, my heart does not beat faster
whenever you hold me close

No, my cheeks do not blush furiously
whenever you circle your arms around me

No, my knees do not go weak
whenever you kiss me

No, I am not a patient person
you always make my temper flares up
with your silly little mistakes

No, I am not obedient
I will always argue with you
about anything and everything

No, I do not care about all these symptoms
of what a childish love looks like

My attitudes may not be the best of its kinds
But know well that your embrace is my heaven,
your voice is my salvation,
and your presence is my home.

So if I ask you this,
this selfish, foolish feeling I have
does it count as my love for you?

-fin-

Random Takes on Yosemite National Park

- category: special/celebration -

Again, all pictures copyrighted by Christian Hadidjaja. Please enjoy the pictures.

---

Walking down the path to Bridal Veil Falls



The split rock (near the Mist Path towards Verna Falls, Nevada Falls, and Half Dome), me, and my boyfriend. It's truly amazing how clean the cut is...it's like a massive butcher knife cut this rock as if it's just a beef flank.

Resting on the boardwalk leading towards the Yosemite Falls

A river near the Bridal Veil Falls

Some vegetation living on a dead sequoia tree in Mariposa Grove



A tree near the Bridal Veil Falls / El Capitan path

Rock formations near Ahwanee / Yosemite Falls

The Merced River

- the amazing Yosemite on April 26, 2007 -

A Celebrated Week

- category: special/celebration -

This past week I celebrated something; I won't say what. But my friends knew what happened last week. So, to celebrate that "something", my boyfriend and I went to Yosemite National Park. I just would like to share the pictures we took there. I don't think I'll get tired of Yosemite. The first time I went there was 2003, and I fell in love with it immediately.

Yosemite really put me in a place "out of this world", especially the huge rocks surrounding the Tioga Pass (the Eastern Entrance). I returned there a year later to celebrate my cousin's wedding (what a lucky lady!) and haven't been there for the past 3 years. So, it's really a pleasure to go back there.

Unfortunately, the Tioga Pass was closed so my boyfriend couldn't see its glory (he's never been to Yosemite before), but the waterfalls were strong and healthy in late April. My only concern is that with the global warming, Yosemite gets warmer and warmer earlier each year (I used to see peaks still partially covered in snow in May or early June; but now they're almost completely clear of snow). I hope we can still enjoy Yosemite for long years to come. For now, enjoy the pictures!

**All pictures copyrighted by Christian Hadidjaja.

----

The Bridal Veil Falls

Seen from Vista Point near the West Entrance (fwy 120):

And seen from up, close, and personal (the white particles are water!). The way my bf editted this photo makes it seems like a rejected sequel of "The Lord of the Ring".

El Capitan and Half Dome

The road to El Capitan..

El Capitan (and me!)

Looking from the Tunnel View...

The Mariposa Grove

Giant sequoia trees...I mean, GIGANTIC sequoia trees!


A dead tree's root (it's like a HUGE, solid implosion)


The "normal" tree trunk (with me as a benchmark of diameter - I'm 5'10", by the way)

Yosemite Falls and the beautiful Ahwanee Hotel

A very nice, healty pour of water in late April (I wonder how it will be in July...)


The Ahwanee Hotel


- coming up: random pictures in Yosemite National Park! -

A Letter from Afar

- special : Virginia Tech 1-week Memorial -

This post was supposed to be published yesterday, but things happened...so, I apologize for my tardiness. My sympathy for the victims' families extends to the shooter's family and relatives. I believe the media have not been kind in portraying Seung-hui Cho as a cold-blooded murderer. I myself have no such opinion and still believe that had he survived, his full story still needs to be heard. Killing that many people is extremely wrong, but his story of why he did that deserves to be heard. My condolences for all of you and those in mourning, God bless you all in this difficult times.

-----

An urgent letter arrived a week ago
bearing the most grave news
Even the mailman's face was dark
as he handed me the letter from afar.

Letter opened, shock unfolded
Dozens of unknown faces on a piece of paper
covered with lingering scents of salty tears.

I folded the letter to make a paper plane
and glided it through the Winds beyond
so the birds could sing the black prayers within.

Listen to the howling cries, oh loved ones
Feel the painful sting of hearts
of those who shed their tears and step forward.

But don't dwelve in your pain too long, lovers
Listen closely, quietly, and
hear the welcoming choir of angels in Heavens.

- amen -

One/Wind_Rivers

- category: observation -

Just a poem I did a long time ago but yet always too lazy to put up. This is basically my feelings of being left behind by my friends who decide to move out of town or get on with the next chapter of their lives. I miss you all, but you will always have a special place in my heart.

*Photo copyrighted by Christian Hadidjaja.

--------

And now it's time for you to go
Leaving me behind in this vast grassland
The wind blows furiously
The rivers flow calmly.

We used to play together here
You, me, and many others
Then one by one, we move on
with reasons fleetingly similar and painful.

"My friends are not here anymore."
"This is not my calling."
"I cannot advance further here."
"I don't like being the one left behind."

And then it's your turn to make a choice
We stand hand by hand, facing a branched paths in the forest
No premonition, but as I let go of your hand, I know
The road that beckons you to tread on
is the one I am reluctant to follow.

It's like a conditioned response really
As your figure gets smaller and smaller past the horizon
The more sorrowful my weepings become.

But then I close my eyes as you dissapear
The pain gets almost too overflowing
Should I be the one left behind?
I stand rooted trembling, tears flowing back to Mother.

The wind blows furiously
The rivers flow calmly.

But as much as I dislike this feeling
I need this painful reminder from time to time
to understand the meaning of "loss"
The human feeling called loneliness.

Ah, but then I'm never completely alone
He is always before me
This small voice at the back of my head
"Be not afraid" it whispers softly.

I open my eyes, alone in this vast field.
The wind blows furiously
The rivers flow calmly.

Someday I'll know the reason of my existence
Someday I'll know why we have to move on
But of course, you and I
If we still have time in the world,
Someday we'll meet again.

Then perhaps the phantoms of the past still ingers
You, me, and many others.
Laughing, playing together freely...

The wind blows furiously
The rivers flow calmly
And I turn my back
walking away from the path you take.


-fin-

Strength for the Journey

I know I haven't been updating for two months....I guess patiently waiting for the new banner and a picture for the next post hasn't fared me well ^_^....
Anyway, I just encountered this song at church today, and at times like this where school is crazy, internship is still lacking, tax is waiting to be filled, and studying abroad procedures need to be done, I really need the strengh for the journey. Not only for now, but for as long as I live.

I'm sorry I don't have the audio file, I just have the lyrics.

---

Strength for the Journey
by : Michael John Poirier

Refrain:
I will be, I will be,I will be strength for the journey.
I will be, I will be,I will be strength for the journey.

1. There is a road meant for you to travel.
Narrow and steep is the shepherd's way,
and as you say, "Yes,"letting me guide you,I will be strength for the journey.

2. There is a cross meant for you to carry.
There is a cross meant for you alone,
and as you bow downin humble surrender,I will be strength for the journey.

3. How many times have you doubted my word?
How many times must I call your name?
And as you say, "Yes,"letting me love you,I will be strength for the journey.


-amen-

Missed Calls

- category: personal -

Just a little experience for coming home later than your beloved, when he expects you to be home when he comes home from work. This work is done during my winter break (December 2006) when I visited my boyfriend in San Francisco, but was just too lazy to put it up online.
Hurry! While I have some time before class, put it now!! Here it is, Missed Calls.

*manga: Japanese comic books

-----------------------------------------

Hn. She thought her cell phone vibrated.
She picked it up from inside her bag.
7 missed calls. From the same person. In 10 minute span.

She called the person back. It's answered.
"Why you called so late?"
"Why did you not pick up your phone?"

Oh dear, good ol' questions. Why did not she?
Was the manga* she read engulfed her mind so?
Or did her mind subconsciously choose to ignore the phone calls?

Hn. Actually, she thought it's the later.
You see, she was tired being the one waiting.
Greeting him when he came home after work was past.

So she chose to go out to this bookstore,
deliberately some time relatively close to 5 pm.
Catching up with fascinating tales and adventures,
which she has grown fond of over the years.
She thought, 'I'd be done a little after he arrive home.'

Selfish? Well, probably.
She called it boredom. And envy.
Boredom from waiting for him at home from time to time.
And envy at him for being the one waited for everyday.

She knew she was supposed to get the dinner ready
when her beloved come home.
But that's an old-fashioned idea she never agreed entirely.
After all, she's just a human,
who wants to be the one waited for sometimes.

She came home.
She rang the bell.
And the door opened,
revealing her charming beloved.

She smiled.

- fin -

And the new year begins!

- category: observation -

When I watched the fireworks display on December 31, 2006 at midnight, I barely felt emotional. 7 minutes to January 1, 2007, I still felt nothing. Yes, I was there with my boyfriend, there were a small crowd surrounding us watching the San Francisco Pier 1's fireworks from the Embarcadero bridge, and I did feel happy being there with him.

But little did I know that the day after (which is today), I will get a jolt back to reality. A new semester begins here at Pepperdine Graziadio Business & Management school, and I had to go back to LA to attend my classes for the next 14 weeks. There is also an internship that I need to get this summer. The texbooks are mighty expensive that I get them online, and there is also the case of forgetting my check book that I needed to go back to my apartment and back to school to pay for my tuition (which took me 1 hour and 15 minutes).

Things were rough, I forgot things, I miscaculated my time, and I had a bit of problem with my schedules (which I expect to be solved this weekend). I guess being away from my place in LA for three weeks threw me off balance.

However, of course there were good news. Reunion with class mates and friends are always pleasant, I get accepted to go to ESSEC, France for studying abroad in fall, and I decide to get serious in my interest of fashion.

I cannot go into more details than that, but the important thing is I am starting something this year, right off the bat (at least in my standard). I am still getting a late reaction about going to Paris....I still cannot believe it entirely, it's been one of my dreams. Not to mention the amount of support and information I can get from my French friend who is ready to teach me the language and a professor who graduated from ESSEC, I am ready to be prepared to go.

Other than that, I am still not believing it entirely.

So, that's all for today. I have to prepare for tomorrow's classes.

-fin-

Bukan aku yang malang

- category: parody of siduahuruf's "Bukan aku yang menang" -

Even though it was an old post, I just read siduahuruf's entry (by the name, her name is Elka, her link can be found on my list of friends on the right side) of "Bukan aku yang menang". I am feeling somewhat giddy and playful today, so I am going to make a parody of her poem. And sorry folks, it's in Indonesian language. Her original poem is as follows:

Bukan aku yang menang
(by siduahuruf)

"Diam dengan mata menerawang
Mengapa selalu curang?
Dunia kutantang,
Lalu bukan aku yang menang"

-------------

And my parody is as follows:


"Diam dengan mata kiri lebam
Mengapa kamu menatapku kejam?
Kamu kutantang, aku menang,
Untung bukan aku yang malang."


-Djayusnya mak-

Some changes

Dear readers,

I've made some changes on my side bar, as you can see. I've divided my personal and Pepperdine links, and made a list of my friends' blogs. I've also updated my profile (make it shorter) and quote of the day. If you know any other friends that I should include in the list, please let me know.

My current projects about this blog:
1)update my banner
2)add more friends
3)upload photo
4)feed this blog to my Friendster account (any help is welcomed!)

OK, see you later either at comments or next posts.

- Have a great week -

Baby, baby, baby

-category: observation-

This post is one of a kind, since I never made any draft with any of my previous posts. I actually put some more effort in creating this one, and revised things BEFORE I posted it.
Anyway, here's some background info. Recently, I moved to California to pursue an MBA degree. I am currently staying with my two friends who are married to each other and have a 9-months-old baby boy. I've known them since I was in Madison, Wisconsin, and we attended the same university (even though they are a few years older).

Sometimes I would take care of the baby, albeit briefly, and he made me realize some things that I never knew about myself. Such as the spark of joy of holding a baby. Before, I would never imagine making friends with babies or even holding one. It is a pleasant small change for me, and even though I still cannot imagine myself having a baby, my general attitudes toward babies are showing a "sparkle of hope". Right now, I am even curious how his attitudes toward me will change as he gets older. Hmm....interesting though, indeed.

So, here is my reflection of spending time with the baby on daily basis, and feel free to leave a comment or two. The closing end is not the usual "-Fin-" this time, but "-Tadaima-" that means "I'm home" in Japanese.

---------------------------------

It always puzzles me
whenever you sit calmly on my lap like this,
smilling and gurgling happily without a care in the world.

How come you look at me with those adoring, sparkly eyes
when I avert mine from yours.

How come you doze off sleepily on my chest
when I am always restless.

How come you give me your beautiful smiles so relentlessly
when I am reluctant to give my trust.

And how come your smile so contagious
that corners of my lips twitching to curve upwards.

You make your parents sacrifice willingly for you.
You make them go beyond their means to satisfy you.
You make them do the silliest things,
so that you know what if feels to be loved.

You baby, are their most precious treasure.
All they need to do is to love you,
and that is how they know they are loved in return.

So here I am back in reality,
driving through the canyon road,
body and mind weary from the stress of today
soul anxious for the hope of tomorrow.

And yet I still think of which songs I will sing tonight
during our brief time together after dinner.
I will sit you on my lap while your parents prepare your milk and bed.

Then I will sing to you the most random songs,
from Japanese melodrama "Tokyo Love Story" to Chinese kungfu series "Assasination"
from Alicia Keys to Savage Garden
from Disney to Final Fantasy.
And you will calmly sit on my lap,
no fuss, just playing with my pajama buttons, your toys, or my bra strap.

Heh. Bra strap.

So wait for me, baby.
I know I'm running late, but
don't go to sleep yet.

For my wish of dusk is
to open the door and see you sitting on your mother's lap.
Two seconds of confusion, then...
all excited to see this unworthy one home.

Hey, what's up baby?


- Tadaima -

I would hate it if you want me to

-category: observation/about me-

It's been a while, isn't it? Geez....school has been very busy, but I really enjoyed getting a 5-day break between school sessions and went to San Francisco to see my beloved boyfriend. If you didn't notice, my post on September 14 was to celebrate his birthday.
Anyway, this time I would tell you what I felt when I was on my way back to LA from SF last Sunday. I was upset to leave, I wasn't ready to separate from him yet, and I did not want to go back to my school madness. But here I am now, ready to roll again for the next session. HEEYAAH!!

-------------

I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling
Long hallway, overhead cabinets, white tubes of light

I looked outside through a small window
and realized us speeding away at the runway

I closed my eyes again, feeling sick
as the plane left the ground

I felt a stranger moved beside me.
He had his earphone on, watching some on-air TV channel.

I huffed. So I did leave.
You were missing.

It was a short flight.
TV was enough to distract my mind.

But as soon as I saw my destination city from afar,
my heart was filled with grieve.

I hated this city.
Just because you were not here.

I wanted to go back.
But I knew you would not want it.

I would hate this city if you want me to.
But I knew you wished otherwise.

I would hijack this plane and tell the captain to turn around.
But you would hate me.

You were my vice. My weakness.
And I would hate it if you hate me.

So, I sat back and prepared myself for landing.
I hated leaving you, but I had to do this.

Just for you. No one else.

Let's meet again next month.
Pray for our life and happiness.
Until we meet again.

Amen.

1 to 14

- this is a special entry for my boyfriend, christian -

1 to 14

Giddy
is when I know my call comes through,
anticipating your voice from the other side of the line...

Lazy
is when I experience complete blissfulness,
my head on your chest, listen to your peaceful heartbeat...

Safe
is when you put your arms around me,
enveloping me passionately, until my bones crack and I cannot breath...

Annoyed
is when you are pessimistic, you think you're not good enough,
when I know you're a "sleeping dragon",

Cat-like
is when you're spoiled and needy,
eyus eyus mwah mwah peyuk peyuk oaahhh,

Seduced
is when I stare at your sexy ass,
and you know I do it,

Repent
is when I realize I was wrong
and I hurt your feelings

Sensitive
is when you speak,
fragile and tired while brilliant and adorable,

Style
is when you pick up my clothes,
all of them I miss, but you bring them to light,

Possessive
is when you seem indifferent,
but you do not like me doing it,

Subtle
is when you show me you love me,
in the most unflashy ways,

Sunset
is for us holding hands, strolling and running on the beach,
sand swirling and us kissing,
and you teasing the seagulls' babies,

Halved
is after our kiss at the airport,
I know you leave and have to wait,
until you return my heart again,

Love
is knowing that things about you, I like.
Your exciting next year, you deserve.
Finding from 1 to 14 next time, we will.


- Mwah -

Heart/Ready

- category : about me/observation -

Almost all day yesterday, I was under the impression that it was September 7, not 8. So, I actually ALMOST violate my own promise on the previous post, which says that I will post something by September 9. Fuhh...

Anyway, sorry if this post is so dark.....it's what's I've been feeling lately, and I think it's important to acknowledge it and see how I feel in the future. Heh, until next time!

----------

Love, love, love, please take me away
hold me close beneath your calm beating heart
look at me with your graceful eyes
comfort me until I am ready...

Grieve, grieve, grieve, don't take me away
enough with your poisonous words and saddened heart
look at me, tears overflowing on my face
leave me, but you are not ready...

Rock, rock, the precious rock
your might conquered the impossible task
look at people around you, wounds deep in their heart
will you wait until they are ready...

My brain numb, my soul tired. For all I know,
everyday the sprinkler outside my room jolted awake at midnight
I stood awake long after it abruptly went to sleep
I know I need to lay down, but my heart is not ready...

Shall I take the holy water?
Strength fill me, compassion enlighten me

Peace

become me.

Will I take the holy water?

Until my heart

...ready.



-Fin-

...

I have so many things to say, and yet so little time.

Ever since I began my graduate study at Pepperdine,
the amount of work has been blowing my mind.

Please be patient and give me more time,
I vow I will make a new entry by September nine.

God help me.

-Fin-

No more chatterbox

Just a quick announcement, no more chatterbox.
It's tiring to have some things stick on the side with not much things happening.

I might revive it in the future if situation allows, but now, just forget it.
Drop me a comment or something if you have something to say.

Thanks.

While she was walking

- category: observation/about me -

The train finally stopped, blaring "This is Monroe...doors open on the left at Monroe."
As she stepped out of the car and went up the escalator, she hesitantly recalled the many stops she had to travel from her apartment at the north Chicago. Ugh, the nausiating feeling that was almost unbearable...it was difficult to breathe....

She stepped out from the subway station, breathed a bit easily now that she's no longer underground...she really much preffered sunshine. Let's see...Bryn Mawr... Berwyn...Argyle...Lawrence...Wilson...Sheridan...Addison...
Belmont...Fullerton...North/Clybourn...Clark/Division...Chicago...Grand...
Lake...Washington...Monroe.

16 stops. Damn. If she wanted to go to the main campus, then she would continue...Jackson...Harrison...Roosevelt...Cermak/Chinatown...Sox/35th. Thank God today wasn't one of those rare days when she needed to take some extra trips...

By the way, those shoes were nice...maybe some other time....
She kept walking past through people dressed nicely, suits, tie, dress suits...it was a little past five anyway...understandable. Today would be the last day for class...then next week would be final exams...sigh.

Then she would leave this city. Chicago. For good.

Guh. What should she feel? She felt nothing as she threaded her way through people. Probably buy some food for one of those homeless people at the bridge. Huh? There wasn't any today. Interesting....Doves.

Upset maybe? Well, she was...but for another reason entirely. It was when she found out one of her favorite yaoi manga "The Tyrant Who Falls In Love" was licensed and the scanlations stopped. Yeah....she was upset.

Happy? Not really...she liked walking down the street like this...she needed the exercise.
Angry? Hell no, there's nothing to be angry about (at this time).

She felt.......bored. She kept walking. Ah, red light. Gotta stop.
The wind was sure strong today, even though the temperature was kinda nice and a bit humid.
Green light. Go. Hn, what're you looking at?

She sure regretted the time when her ring suddenly snapped into two pieces. It's nothing really, but it served its purpose in keeping men away...she has a boyfriend. A cute one.

The wind blew stronger. Cough, what the...?! Cigarette smoke was sure dreadful...cough.
She was here, at last. Revolving doors.

My last class. My last semester. My first, too.
Later?...bye bye.

Ha. Revolving doors. Grin.


-Fin-

What a gloomy day

- category : observation -

Today was feels plain weird for me. It actually started yesterday night, when my allergy medicine made me drowsy around 7 pm and eventually forced me to sleep until 12 am. So I woke up, read some manga scanlations, updated my blog, and all of a sudden, it was 7 am. I felt sleepy again, so I slept until around 1 pm (there were some concious times in between due to alarm and some people calling, but basically I had a long, episodic-like dream).

I decided to go to the grocery, but never made it until 4:30 pm due to some hillarious videos from youtube.com. By the time I went out, it was raining (and I hate rain) and a bit windy. I did pretty quick grocery shopping, but not fast enough to avoid a guy hitting on me. I found it difficult to "shoo" him since he told me about his job and all while occasionally winked.......
I had no heart to tell him I have a boyfriend already, so I kept my answers short and ambiguous. Man, sometimes I feel tired to listen to someone who cannot pick up the clue that I'm not interested. Of course it's flattering to have people come up and say nice things about you, but I am really not interested to take it further (dating) since I'm kinda committed already.

Perhaps I should wear a ring on my left ring finger......
Other than that little incident, everything was boring......except that one mail that angered me. y previous landlord gave my money back but cut a ridiculous $69 due to some "underpayment of my account". I really have no clue what that is, since the deposit and everything was done in full refund......I don't know, it just pissed me off.....

Enough about this, I need to work on my paper outline for my two classes.
For those of you reading until the end, I hope your day is not as boring as me. God bless.